How to Write a Birth Parent Letter
As a writer I am finding this daunting because it is so personal. How can I possibly ask a woman carrying a child to place that child with our family forever?
Birth parents have the opportunity to chose the families their children are placed with forever. But writing that letter can be one of the most difficult things a husband and wife ever does.
What should go into that letter?
Well, a good letter not only describes who you are as a couple but reassures the birth parents that their child will be loved and have opportunities. We just finished our photo book (email me if you want to view it) and placed pictures of places we have traveled, what AJ experiences, the care he gets for his special needs, how we celebrate holidays and events, and who we visit and see on a daily basis. Those types of things I believe should be included in the letter.
Be empathetic. Allow the birthparents to know that you know how difficult this decision is for them.
Make sure you let the birthparents know that you care about them, not just the child, as you will have a relationship with them. Domestic adoptions are typically open adoptions now, in some way or another (from letters and pictures to visits).
The more you tell about yourself the more they will feel comfortable with you. However, there is a fine line between telling about accomplishments and bragging and talking about who you are and what your family life is like.
Make sure to also include an adoption father’s perspective in the letter. “It helps to show his interest in the birth mom and her child, and helps her feel more secure knowing that he, a man, respects her and is proud of her decision. If the husband writes the letter (and also signs his name first), it may help the birth mother feel more confident about his future role in the child’s life. This is often the very thing that she is not able to provide.”
Here is a great outline to help get you started.
Tags: Adoption, birth_mom, birth_mother, birth_parents, domestic_adoptions, husband_and_wife, open_adoptions, photo_book, special_needsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Domestic
6 opinions for How to Write a Birth Parent Letter
Marianne
Jun 8, 2008 at 10:05 am
We are just finishing our MAPP classes to become foster parents. We have to write a “letter to the birth parents” and “letter to the perspective child/children” coming into our care. We need help writing it. Also, we would love to view your photo book you spoke about in your article as we have to make one of these too. Thanks, Marianne
Marcie
Jun 8, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Sure. Marianne. If you leave your email in the comment post next time I can email you privately. It won’t show up to anyone but me.
TERESA GORDON
Oct 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I AM NEEDING HELP TO WRITE A LETTER TO A BIRTH PARENT . DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMPLE LETTERS TO HELP ME. OUR FOSTER MEETING WILL BE FINISH SOON.
TERESA GORDON
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I AM NEEDING HELP TO WRITE A LETTER TO A BIRTH FAMILY. DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMPLE LETTERS TO HELP ME. OUR FOSTER MEETING CLASSES WILL BE OVER SOON.
Danielle
Nov 22, 2008 at 8:27 pm
My husband and I are just starting our Photo Portfolio but we’re doing foster to adopt. Any changes you might suggest? Also should we include my husbands job in photos, he’s in the army and thats a huge part of who we are as a family. Also his unit is a large part of our extended family and they have been hugely supportive of the whole process.
Marcie
Nov 22, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Teresa,
I will try to find some sample letters for you. Sorry I have not gotten back.
Danielle, Yes, Put his job in. That is such a part of you you both are. Being in the army is a blessing because you have so much support. Just don’t put pictures of him with firearms. Mention how much it means to be part of a unit, have a family that supports one another as much as the army, to be able to support your country like that, etc.
And, even when your husband is away YOU have an army behind you…one of wives, sisters, families. You do, don’t you?
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: