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A Child Chosen - Perspectives of an Adoptive Parent

Book of the Week: Twenty Things

by Marcie on February 14th, 2008

214dz69rqbl_aa_sl160_.jpg I read the book Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew on an airplane flight to Bangkok, Thailand during our first adoption process back in 2004. As a prospective adoptive parent I was very discouraged by the negativity in this book, by the depressing commentary from adult adoptees who did not connect with their adoptive parents, and by the grief adoptees felt.

It was most certainly an honest portrayal of how adoptees can feel if they do not connect, how they grieve the loss of their birth parents, and their adoptive parents lack the understanding and compassion to acknowledge all of that. However, to create a more humane perspective on adoption I would have hoped for some more positive stories.

I wonder if I read it again in five years if I will have a different perspective and will be able to empathize more with the authors.

For more reviews: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

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2 opinions for Book of the Week: Twenty Things

  • LisaC
    Feb 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    I felt very similar when I read this book. In fact, I stopped reading half way through and started to look for research that would either support or refute (I was hoping for refute) the opinions expressed in this book. I get that an adoptee will have some grief and other issues. But this book was so focused on the negative that I was second guessing our decision to adopt (which is, I think, her motivation for writing the book.

    I does, however, highlight the fact that people who are adopting with a hope to “save” someone from a horrible life just might find out that the child was quite content with the horrible life. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, as Erma Bombeck said.

  • Marcie
    Feb 15, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    As you know, Lisa…I’m a big believer in not “saving” someone.

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